Audrey's Legacy

My mother passed away when I was three years old.  Several months ago, I auditioned for a writing part with an awesome agency for an awesome cause.  I created "Audrey's Legacy", for my mother, who missed the majority of my life.  Although I didn't land a part in the audition, I felt blessed to share my story.  I've changed some of it up; however, for the most part, it remains the same. May it bless someone...

     "Hello mommy, that’s what I would have called you if I had the opportunity to spend time with you.  It was hard living without you, but I prevailed and I am doing well. I was determined to make you proud of me and keep our memories alive. Although some say it’s impossible, I vividly remember you. 
   I remember an outing we had with one another and the brand new sandals you brought me. They were white wedges with rainbow colored straps. I ran around showing everyone who would look, my new shoes my mommy brought me. I remember the orange slice flavored candy we used to share at night, and how you would always give me your last piece. I also remember the pictures you had of me all over your bedroom dresser.
    You constantly reminded me that the little wrinkled up baby pictures were me and although I found it hard to believe, I was ecstatic that I was your star. My most memorable time however, is the night you left me.  You were dressed in a red pant suit, and you were going out. Oh how I cried because I did not want you to leave. I wanted to spend more time with you that night. You told me you would be back the next morning and you told me goodbye.
    I didn’t know it then, but that was the last time I would see you before you passed away; our last embrace, our last kiss, our last mother/daughter encounter. I will always hold our time, although so regrettably short, very close and dear.
    Growing up, I vowed when I had children, I would make unforgettable memories, like I had of you. I would NEVER say goodbye to them when we departed from one another.  I did just what I promised and prayed for. After graduating high school, college and getting married, I was blessed with three amazing daughters; descendants of you mommy.  Can you believe it? Your baby girl had baby girls. Let me tell you about them.
     My eldest, is twenty-four, rambunctious, prideful, protective, successful, and very independent.  To others she is portrayed as a lion in the jungle. However, to me, she is a little kitten with the biggest heart; the rescuer of all of those she loves. She looks just like you, smiles and all. She loves to dance, draw.
     My middle daughter, is twenty-two.  Now mommy, although this one is reliable, responsible, and competitive, she is also nonchalant and extremely blunt.  To others, she is portrayed as the anti-social, sweet, quiet girl.  However, to those who know her, she is the vigilant fire starter and a fire cracker, with an enormous heart. She is the book-worm. She has your middle name and your tall slender build.
     Now the baby is seventeen.  She is the quiet one, the flower child, the peacemaker. She still walks in public holding my hand and enjoys spending time with me. Everyone sees her as the sweet young lady who is always smiling.  To those who know her, she is vivacious, creative, and easy to get along with. She has written a few teen books, plays guitar, and loves to sing. She was also named after you. It often surprises me that their personalities are so different, yet they share characteristics of you. 

You see mommy, you have three amazing blessings.  However, I must confess that every time I had a daughter, I was petrified because I didn’t have you here to teach me how to be a good mother. I feared that I would not be around to create the memories you and I should have shared more of, before you left. I wanted to be the best mother ever. 

I wanted to do for them what I knew you would have done for me, if you were still here.  This experience was unchartered territory for me and I had no clue or blueprint of how to ensure this enormous task.  In addition, after I divorced their father, I became a single mother.

     I was determined to plant seeds of wisdom, respect, and integrity into your granddaughters, and make you extremely proud of me and them.  I created a safe haven for them, and provided everything I possibly could. We did memorable things I never had the opportunity to encounter with you. We traveled all over the place and I made sure that they were very well rounded. We laughed, we acted silly, we danced in the rain, we cried, rode the biggest roller coasters, cruised the finest ships, and just LIVED.  Most of all, I always talked to them about you. I wanted them to know about you, and how much you meant to me. 

     Although, I accomplished all of those things with them, at times, I still felt that I had a larger purpose in their lives.  Many nights I tossed and turned wondering to myself, “Am I doing enough?” “Do they know that I love them”?  “Have I created enough memories with them”?  “Will they become the great women they were destined to be?”  Any time we had a “hiccup” (those not so happy moments that make you think, who is this child, and where did I go wrong?), I reevaluated myself as a mother, and wondered how you would handle those situations if it were you and I. Suddenly, a simple reminder would always arise, a small light of acknowledgement and appreciation, that my work was never futile.

     I would receive a text or phone call unexpectedly from either one of them thanking me for being her mother, a phone call in time of need seeking for guidance and clarity for an unfortunate event in their lives, a “too much information, (TMI), encounter with them pertaining to relationships and other personal matters, hand in hand encounters in public, expressing their love and appreciation for me, telling their friends that their mother is their best friend, encounters where their friends also call me “mom” and value my opinions.
     Mommy, we did it! Your love for me in such a short time frame, planted an enormous, immortal seed within me.  This seed has passed down into your grandchildren, who will in turn, plant and water for their own children in the future. 
     Not only have I shared your unconditional love with them, but I’ve also remarried; and also share that same love with your two bonus grandchildren.  It’s because of YOU that I am able to love them unconditionally, and embrace them as though they were my own.  You would be so proud of them as well. 
    Your bonus grandson, who is now twenty-four, is a handsome gentleman. He has the utmost respect for women.  He is overprotective of all of his sisters, and he embraces them with such love every time we meet. 
    Your bonus granddaughter is almost 15 and full of giggles and laughter.  You would be proud of the close knit relationship she has with her sisters; especially the younger one.  They are inseparable, and really take “sisterhood” to the next level. I adore them both and thank God every day, that I can share YOU with them as well.
     So guess what mommy? I no longer toss and turn at night validating my worth as a mother or stepmother; nor do I wonder where I went wrong should a hiccup occur. I sleep now, knowing that my hard work and unconditional love has and will continue to triumph.  You see, I was able to grow through them and experience mother/daughter relationships with them, for the both of us. I was also able to experience a beautiful mother/son relationship.  The moments you and I would have shared, the moments I missed and so fervently longed for, I implanted and created with your grandchildren.
    Now, when I see them, and experience the intimate and individual relationships we have with one another, I am forever grateful to you; because I know that in that small amount of time, you would have created that same kind of atmosphere with me. I love you and I will always make you a loving memory in our lives."

*******************************************************